MAN AT BORDERS WITH THE TERRIBLE B.O.

Back at Borders for another encounter with a book buying patron (see my first entry ever for the original Borders encounter). This time I was in the travel section planning a trip to a far off land. While perusing a book on Peru – a perfectly clean looking gentleman walked halfway down the aisle and began looking at some domestic travel guides. The man emitted a most foul and unpleasant odor that could only be described as mutant B.O. I did not meet this man, but here is the conversation we had in the travel section at Borders.

ME: I’m trying to find a diplomatic way to tell you something, but I am struggling to come up with a non-offensive way to tell you about your dubious offense.

BO: What if I said you could tell me and I wouldn’t get offended?

ME: Can you give me a guarantee?

BO: I can. But how good is a man’s word if you’ve never met the man?

ME: It’s not very good at all.

BO: I don’t know what to tell you then.

ME: OK. I’m just going to say it. If you hit me in the face then I guess my face will get hit. Just warning you though – I am a bleeder.

BO: Duly noted.

ME: You do not smell pleasant. In fact you smell terrible. Like you haven’t washed for an extended period of time and perhaps have been participating in athletic activities.

BO: I’d first like to say that I am not going to strike you.

ME: Whew!

BO: Secondly, I’d like to thank you for pointing out that I have offended you with my odor. And thirdly, I would like to let you know that I know that I smell.

ME: You know you smell?

BO: Of course. What am I hard of smelling?

ME: If you know you smell then why don’t you do something about it?

BO: I am conducting a sociological experiment. I stopped showering 19 days ago and was waiting until someone was kind enough or perhaps mean enough to tell me that I smell. Today I will go home and wash because of you.

ME: Wow. I’m the first one to tell you? Is that a good thing?

BO: That’s for you to decide. Did you tell me out of intolerance for the smell or to help a brother out and let him know what he might not know?

ME: I don’t know really. I almost vomited when I smelled you. So I suppose it was more selfish.

BO: It would seem. Although you could have just walked away. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

ME: Thanks…So what other experiments have you conducted?

BO: Oh I just keep doing this one over and over again. Been doing it for about 10 years now. I do it for the research. But mostly because it turns my wife on. She loves the stench. Gets her horny like a rhino.

ME: Holy shit. Really? And you’re ok with that.

BO: That’s love man. Smelly kinky messed up love.

ME: That’s beautiful.