While driving home on Little Santa Monica Blvd the other day, I passed the Peninsula hotel. Just past the hotel was a man wearing an all white bellhop uniform. In his hand he held 2 leashes. On the end of each of those leashes was a small puffy white dog. I think they were bichon frise. I did not meet this man, but this is the conversation we had while he walked the dogs.

ME: What are their names?

BELLHOP: I have no idea.

ME: You don’t know the names of the dogs you are walking? Don’t you want to know their names? You have to pick up their poop. It’s kind of a personal thing. I would want to know their names.

BELLHOP: I have no idea.

ME: Am I correct in assuming that you are a bellhop at the Peninsula?

BELLHOP: What gave me away?

ME: The all white outfit. The long coat with gold buttons. The circular hat, complete with chin strap. It was either that or you were headed to one of P. Diddy’s famous white parties. But I am pretty sure those only take place in the Hamptons.

BELLHOP: That was a sarcastic and rhetorical question. I knew the outfit was the reason you knew I was a bellhop.

ME: Do they have other color parties besides white? Seems kinda racist if you ask me. Plus, who wants to party in white clothes. I’d just spill salsa on myself and then everyone would see it. You keep your uniform immaculately clean by the way.

BELLHOP: I usually have to change at least 4 times a shift because I get something on it.

ME: Where does the term bellhop come from?

BELLHOP: When a customer or the concierge rings the bell at the front desk, we have to hop to their service.

ME: Literally hop? Like a bunny or a Kangaroo?

BELLHOP: Yes. It is rather embarrassing.

ME: More or less embarrassing then having to pick up someone else’s dog’s poop, when you don’t even know the dog’s name.

BELLHOP: I would say it is about even.

ME: Do you hop when you hear bells in your personal life? Like a Pavlov’s dog kind of thing. Or does that only work with drooling and dogs?

BELLHOP: I have a fear of bells.

ME: What is that called?

BELLHOP: Ringadingaphobia.

ME: NOOOOOOO! That is freaking awesome.

BELLHOP: Awesome? It is a crippling condition that is threatening to end my illustrious career in the hotel service industry.

ME: No I didn’t mean the fact that you had the fear was awesome. I meant that the name of the fear was awesome. Sorry about that.

(awkward silence)

ME: Dog just pooped.