When you are a member of a fitness center and use the locker room, you are bound to encounter a few naked bodies. It comes with the territory and is something you must fully accept. I myself have been naked in my fair share of locker rooms over the years. But every so often you come across someone who is too naked for too long. Today was one of those days. I did not meet this man, but here is the conversation we had in the locker room at the gym (For the record - I was wearing a towel).
ME: You’re still naked?!
ME: Sorry. I didn’t mean to say that out loud. It’s just that you were naked when I entered the locker room. I took a shower. Came back. And you’re still standing there naked with no signs of clothing anywhere.
NAKED: Well I don’t like to put my clothes on if I’m still even a little bit wet. It weirds me out and makes me uncomfortable for the entire day.
ME: I totally get that. But I saw you earlier do the whole towel behind the butt shimmy shake thing. Not that I was watching intentionally. It was just incredibly difficult not to look. There are really too many mirrors in this place now that I think about it.
NAKED: I can get about 90% dry with the towels here. But they’re not exceptionally absorbent. I don’t even think the cotton is Egyptian. So the last 10% has to come via air-dry. And that does take a while.
ME: Is Egyptian cotton really from Egypt? Do they grow it there or is that just some sort of marketing tool?
NAKED: I’m not sure if it is grown there. But I do believe Egypt manufactures it. It’s very hot in Egypt, so people sweat more. As a result, they have been at the forefront of absorbent textile innovations.
ME: Back to the naked thing. I say this being 98% comfortable with my sexuality and I mean no disrespect. You are not a terribly attractive man. Are you really comfortable hanging out completely nude for an extended period of time in a relatively public environment?
NAKED: In general, I am completely comfortable. My confidence wavers slightly when the locker room drops below a certain temperature. Let me ask you a question. Would you have said anything if I were an attractive man who was perhaps more well endowed?
ME: Interesting. Probably not. I might even sneak a few extra peeks.
NAKED: So you’re just a perv with standards.
ME: Whoa. Whoa. Let’s not start calling each other names “guy with the mole shaped like JFK”.
NAKED: I think I will go ahead and put my pants on now.
ME: I will do the same. Although I am still a little damp.