Back at Borders for another encounter with a book buying patron (see my first entry ever for the original Borders encounter). This time I was in the travel section planning a trip to a far off land. While perusing a book on
ME: I’m trying to find a diplomatic way to tell you something, but I am struggling to come up with a non-offensive way to tell you about your dubious offense.
BO: What if I said you could tell me and I wouldn’t get offended?
ME: Can you give me a guarantee?
BO: I can. But how good is a man’s word if you’ve never met the man?
ME: It’s not very good at all.
BO: I don’t know what to tell you then.
ME: OK. I’m just going to say it. If you hit me in the face then I guess my face will get hit. Just warning you though – I am a bleeder.
BO: Duly noted.
ME: You do not smell pleasant. In fact you smell terrible. Like you haven’t washed for an extended period of time and perhaps have been participating in athletic activities.
BO: I’d first like to say that I am not going to strike you.
BO: Secondly, I’d like to thank you for pointing out that I have offended you with my odor. And thirdly, I would like to let you know that I know that I smell.
ME: You know you smell?
BO: Of course. What am I hard of smelling?
ME: If you know you smell then why don’t you do something about it?
BO: I am conducting a sociological experiment. I stopped showering 19 days ago and was waiting until someone was kind enough or perhaps mean enough to tell me that I smell. Today I will go home and wash because of you.
ME: Wow. I’m the first one to tell you? Is that a good thing?
BO: That’s for you to decide. Did you tell me out of intolerance for the smell or to help a brother out and let him know what he might not know?
ME: I don’t know really. I almost vomited when I smelled you. So I suppose it was more selfish.
BO: It would seem. Although you could have just walked away. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
ME: Thanks…So what other experiments have you conducted?
BO: Oh I just keep doing this one over and over again. Been doing it for about 10 years now. I do it for the research. But mostly because it turns my wife on. She loves the stench. Gets her horny like a rhino.
ME: Holy shit. Really? And you’re ok with that.
BO: That’s love man. Smelly kinky messed up love.
ME: That’s beautiful.