NEIGHBOR ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WINDOW

I recently moved into a new apartment.  It’s the corner unit, which means the view from most of the windows is great. The guest room however looks directly into the neighboring building which is approximately 25 feet away. Whenever I enter the guest room I am very conscious of the potential of someone being on the other side of the window looking at me. I did not meet my neighbor, but here is the conversation we had through our open windows.

ME: Ahoy there neighborino.

NEIGHBOR: Oh hello. You just moved in right?

ME: Yes. About 3 weeks ago. You noticed? Very observant.

NEIGHBOR: Well there was no movement over there for a few months. So once we saw your peering eyes staring at us every morning, we kind of figured it out.

ME: Peering eyes? No. I may have accidentally glanced in the general direction of your windows once or twice, but never ever did I stare and try to see anything.

NEIGHBOR: What did I have for dinner last night?

ME: I believe it was meatloaf with broccolini in a light beurre blanc

NEIGHBOR: Exactly.  Hey look – it comes with the territory.  Don’t think I haven’t sneaked a peak or two at you in the morning.  So your wife got the closet in the master bedroom huh?

ME: Yes. Yes she did.  So you’ve seen me…in the morning…getting ready...at my closet…in my towel…and not in my towel.

NEIGHBOR: I have.  Even broke out the binoculars once or twice.

ME: Excuse me.  Binoculars? What are you implying?

NEIGHBOR: No disrespect.  I’m just checking out the goods.

ME: So you like what you see – wait -that’s not the point.  No more peeking, especially with enhanced seeing devices.  I promise not to look at your dinner and you promise not to look at my (gulp) goods.

NEIGHBOR: No can do. Neighbors have certainly inalienable rights.  Peeping is one of them.  I won’t make it obvious if that makes you feel better.  Or you could always close the curtains.

ME: But the sun is so nice in the morning.  It would really be a shame to shut out all that natural light. It feels lovely and warm on my body when I get out of the shower.

NEIGHBOR: Your choice.

ME: You just better hope I don’t break my leg at the same time you commit some kind of horrific murder.  Because I will be camped out right here watching everything and anything you do. It’s actually kind of all I can think about since we’ve moved in here.

NEIGHBOR: I’ll be sure to remember that.  Or I’ll just close my curtains.

ME: If you close yours then I’m closing mine.

NEIGHBOR: Let’s not be hasty now.

ME: OK.  I’ll leave them open a crack.