A MAN AND HIS BOOMBOX

Sometimes on my way to work I cut down Robertson Blvd to get from Santa Monica to Olympic. This is an area of high-end boutiques, restaurants, and salons. One morning, standing outside one of these yet to open establishments, was a man dancing in front of his boombox. The boombox was blaring some Van Halen circa 1984, and the gentleman was dressed appropriately in David Lee Roth style tights and a headband. I did not meet this man, but this is the conversation we had on Robertson Blvd.

DANCER: (singing) Might as well jump. JUMP!

ME: Van Halen. Nice. I know people say that David Lee Roth is far superior to Sammy Hagar. But to be completely honest – I don’t mind the red rocker at all. I think he gets a bad rap.

DANCER: Who’s Sammy Hagar?

ME: You know. The guy that took over as lead singer after David Lee Roth left the band.

DANCER: That never happened.

ME: Oh. You never heard about that? It was like 20 years ago. Or do you mean you just deny that it ever happened because you are such a Roth fan? You don’t want to acknowledge that the band even existed after that?

DANCER: (singing) Got it bad. Got it bad. Got it bad.

ME: Right. Nice boombox by the way. Is that a cassette player? Can you still get cassettes any more? Remember cassingles?

DANCER: Can I help you with something? I need to start practicing my high leg kicks.

ME: You better stretch out before you do those. Don’t want to pull anything. The groin muscle is a very sensitive thing.

DANCER: Thanks. I stretched earlier. Plus the tights help to hold it all together.

ME: Don’t you feel kind of exposed in them though? Like it’s all out there for everyone to see.

DANCER: Maybe you’re just too self conscious.

ME: Oh I definitely am. I used to wrestle in high school and we had to where these spandex one piece outfits called singlets. Many times I considered the aid of a sock. If you know what I mean.

DANCER: I do know what you mean. And no I don’t stuff.

ME: See I wasn’t even implying or looking. Although now I feel compelled to look at your crotch. That’s a weird feeling. Not completely unnatural. Just weird.

DANCER: (singing) Runnin’ with the devil!

ME: I like the headband. Sometimes I wear a bandana when I work out. Keeps the hair and sweat out of my face. I go with black. I have a red and blue ones but I fear gang violence.

DANCER: Do you wear it over the whole head or as a headband or backwards like Tupac?

ME: Headband. I’ve done the Tupac thing in the past. Usually gets a good laugh.

DANCER: I can see that.

ME: Alright then. I’ll let you get back to it. Rock and/or roll.