MAN SITTING IN THE SEAT NEXT TO ME ON MY THANKSGIVING WEEKEND FLIGHT BACK TO LOS ANGELES

While flying from the beautiful Garden State to Los Angeles (connecting through Vegas) I sat next to a man for approximately 5 hours. He was in the aisle and I was in the middle. We were in the bulkhead row, so I did not have to climb over him to use the restroom, as there is ample legroom. I did not meet this man, but here is the conversation we had about 10 minutes before the flight landed.

ME: Excuse me.
AISLE: Yes?

ME: Sorry to disturb you. I was just wondering if you thought it odd that we have been sitting next to each other for almost 5 hours and have yet to say a word to each other.
AISLE: Now that you mention it. I suppose it is a bit odd,

ME: I mean our arms touched several times. Our legs touched several times. I reached in front of you to dispose of my trash. Yet we haven’t spoken.
AISLE: I was actually wondering about that. Were you touching me on purpose? Were you coming on to me?

ME: Don’t you think if I were coming on to you I would have attempted to strike up a conversation with you at some point?
AISLE: Isn’t that what you are doing right now?

ME: I wasn’t coming on to you. In fact, I was rather annoyed with you. You were using both armrests. This is my armrest.
AISLE: That’s not your armrest. I sat down first. First come first serve.

ME: Not true. That is poor plane etiquette and a popular misconception. This is the armrest that has my headphone jack. That makes it my armrest. You can’t lean where I plug in my headphones.
AISLE: So I just get the one on the aisle?

ME: Yes. That is the disadvantage of the aisle. You don’t have to ask people to move, so you get one armrest. The window is stuck behind two people. Therefore, they get both an armrest and the side of the plane to lean against. You have to balance everything out.
AISLE: Sorry about that then.

ME: It’s ok.
AISLE: May I ask you a question?

ME: Yes.
AISLE: Were you not hitting on me because you aren’t gay or because you didn’t find me attractive?

ME: Because I’m not gay. It has nothing to do with the fact that you aren’t attractive.
AISLE: Ouch.

ME: The truth hurts. Now get off my armrest.
AISLE: It’s a good thing we didn’t have this conversation 4 hours ago. The rest of the flight would have been really awkward.

ME: I think the proximity and silence were already sufficiently awkward.
AISLE: You really don’t think I’m attractive?

ME: You’re right. This is more awkward.