Yesterday at the gym, a man walked into the locker room wearing all black (black bandana, black tank top, black shorts, black sneakers, black socks). He had heavy black tribal tattoos. He was also quite large - in a muscular way. Later I saw him on the treadmill in front of me. I did not meet this man, but here is the conversation we had in the cardio room.
ME: I’m scared of you.
MAN IN BLACK: Good.
ME: Really? You want me to be scared of you?
MIB: Yes.
ME: Why would you want that?
MIB: People are less likely to start up a conversation with me because of how I look. And I enjoy not talking to people.
ME: Is that a hint?
MIB: What do you think?
ME: It probably is. But I might push my luck and continue talking to you anyway.
MIB: Do so at your own peril.
ME: There are grooves in your head. Is that your brain? It can’t be your brain because you have a skull. What the hell is that? Unless the top of your skull is missing.
MIB: The top of my skull is not missing. I just have a bumpy scalp.
ME: I always wonder if dudes that shave their head are going bald or just do it to look cool. I would bet you are doing it to add to the whole psycho body builder motif.
MIB: I actually don’t shave it. I use Nair.
ME: Holy crap. Nair? That stuff burns. I once knew this guy who Naired his chest. And then it dripped in the shower. And well, he was both bald and irritated – down there.
MIB: I like the burning sensation. Plus that’s how you know it is working. Like Selsun Blue.
ME: Ah yes the tingling. I know that well.
MIB: But you don’t have dandruff?
ME: Exactly…I think we just switched from Selsun Blue to Head & Shoulders by the way.
MIB: I think you’re right.
ME: So what do you do? Besides work out and intimidate others with your wardrobe and large imposing stature.
MIB: I’m a kindergarten teacher.
ME: Is that a joke?
MIB: No. I love working with kids.
MIB: It goes well with the dry macaroni.
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