After seeing a mediocre movie on Halloween, I went to Borders to find a new book. Browsing the bookshelves was a girl dressed in a slutty goth-like outfit. I did not meet this girl, but here is the fake conversation we had in the middle of the store.

ME: Is that a costume or do you dress like that normally? Sometimes on Halloween it’s hard to tell.
SGG: Is that a costume or do you dress like that normally? Sometimes on Halloween it’s hard to tell.
ME: I am wearing normal clothes. But you make an excellent point. I guess that’s one of those questions you don’t ask. Like there is a girl walking around here who may be pregnant or may be dressed as Juno or may just be fat. I can’t tell.
SGG: She’s just fat.
ME: Good thing I didn’t ask then. I see you’re looking through the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – 4TH Edition). Are you a psych student or are you just self-diagnosing your insanity?
SGG: What do you think?
ME: I was a psych minor. So I would say you just picked up a random book and were standing here in a slutty leather outfit wanting people to gawk at you because you are starved for attention. And if anyone really stared at you, you’d probably pretend to be all hard and scream at them. “What they hell are you looking at you dumb fuck?” Something like that. Your insecurity most likely stems from daddy issues. You can read all about it on page 348 of the book you’re holding. How’d I do?
SGG: I’ll read it later and let you know.
ME: Did you read the DSM -III? Because if you didn’t then this one might be hard to follow. Like my wife wanted to go see High School Musical 3 and I said no way because I would be completely lost after not seeing the first 2.
SGG: I really don’t think you would be lost.
ME: Are you a big High School Musical fan?
SGG: I’d rather not answer that question.
ME: So yes.
SGG: Yes.
ME: You look more like a Twilight fan. You know – because of the fangs and the leather and the dead guy lying next to you with 2 holes in his neck with the blood pouring out of them.
SGG: Jim’s not dead. He’s just taking a nap. He had a lot of candy early today is crashing from his sugar high.
ME: I think I’ll go get a pumpkin spice latte. Nice meeting you. Enjoy the manual.
SGG: What are you reading?
ME: It’s Hard Out Here for a Shrimp by Pepe the Prawn. He’s a muppet.
SGG: Okay.

No comments:

Post a Comment