MAN BEHIND ME IN LINE AT THE POLLING PLACE ON ELECTION DAY

Waiting to vote at my local elementary school, I noticed a man two places behind me in the queue. He was wearing oversized sunglasses and a newsboy cap. I did not meet this man, but here is the fake conversation we had while standing in line to cast our ballot. (He looked like a Rick – so I will call him Rick)

ME: I like your glasses.
RICK: They are big. Like a bug’s eyes.
ME: I suppose so yes. They are bug-like. Your hat is also very cool. I always try hats but I don’t think I can pull them off.
RICK: You just have to be confident. Own it. Here try on mine. I’ll show you.
ME: No I’m good. Don’t want to get hat hair.
RICK: You want to try on the glasses?
ME: No. I’m good there too. Got my own. Fully protected from the UV rays.
RICK: Gotta have protection. Glasses. Condoms. Guns. All that. Can’t be too careful.
ME: Guns huh? So are you a McCain supporter?
RICK: I prefer not to answer questions about my political affiliation. And it is illegal for you to campaign this close to a polling place. I'll have you brought up on charges.
ME: Whoa. Sorry. Didn’t mean to pry. I am certainly not campaigning and apologize if you were offended in any way.

(awkward silence)

RICK: I’m just fucking with you buddy.
ME: (nervous laughter) Wow. You really had me going there.
RICK: Well, I am an actor. So you know.
ME: Well it definitely shows. Classically trained I bet. Would I have seen you in anything?
RICK: Just some local theater stuff. I’m currently auditioning for a commercial in which I would play a Pez Dispenser. So, keep your fingers crossed.
ME: Good luck. Good luck. I didn’t realize Pez was still advertising. Wasn’t even really sure they were still around.
RICK: Oh it’s not for Pez. It’s for Zima.
ME: Ooohhhh. Also did not know they were still around.
RICK: Yea. It’s kind of a relaunch. The whole campaign actually attacks Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Talking about how it’s just a cheap knockoff. Zima is still the standard. The original. Still the best. That kind of thing.
ME: Hmmm. Don’t see where the Pez comes in but I will definitely be on the lookout for those.
RICK: For sure.
ME: Well, looks like it’s my turn to Barack the vote. That was a little pun there. So long.
RICK: Don’t forget. You can wear a hat, but you must have confidence.
ME: I'll remember that