As I walked toward my car to leave for the day, I passed a redheaded woman. She smiled at me. I smiled back. I did not meet this woman, but here is the fake conversation we had in the parking lot.

ME: I’m married.
RED: Excuse me?
ME: What’s that?
RED: Did you say you were married?
ME: I may have mentioned that at some point during the conversation.
RED: What conversation? You just blurted out “I’m married.” Neither of us had been speaking prior to that.
ME: You smiled at me.
RED: And you smiled at me.
ME: Exactly.
RED: Exactly what?
ME: We smiled at each other. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.
RED: What idea would be the wrong idea? Because the idea running through my head right now is that you are slightly crazy.
ME: That would be A wrong idea. But not THE wrong idea I was referring to. THE wrong idea is that I would like to sleep with you. Because that is not what I meant when I smiled at you.
RED: Excuse me?
ME: You said that already.
RED: Why would I think you wanted to sleep with me just because you smiled at me?
ME: Because that’s exactly what I thought when you smiled at me. I thought you wanted to sleep with me. Is that not the case?
RED: No. It is most definitely not the case. It was a smile. I was being polite. I was being cordial. I was being a human being recognizing another human being with a nonverbal greeting.
ME: Oh.
RED: Yea. Oh is right.
ME: You’ll have to forgive me. It wasn’t that I thought you were a slut or anything. Because you don’t look like one. You’re very pretty obviously but not at all cheap or hussy-like.
RED: Are you sure you’re married?
ME: Yes. Didn’t I mention that earlier?
RED: I bet you’re the kind of guy who goes to a strip club and thinks the stripper is in love with him just because she made eye contact with you as placed a dollar into her g-string.
ME: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

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